[that doesn't do anything to stop him from worrying, but he does his best to hide that, humming quietly as he considers.] Yeah, maybe. If you don't mind waiting til I get out.
[maybe it'll settle his fears a little if he sees for himself that leo can defend himself. he runs a hand down leo's back lightly, leaning up to kiss him again briefly.]
I know how to use a gun, baby. [it's just an attempt to soothe the concern he can see, not anything else, and he tips down to just kiss him for a while. nothing lewd, not quite tipping into full makeout territory, but doing his best to telegraph soft adoration.] And yeah, I can wait. But you don't have to come if you're uncomfortable.
[he shakes his head, nudging leo's leg with his knee.] No, now I wanna see.
[the range isn't the part that bothers him anyway, that sounds interesting, fun maybe. he's just never stopped worrying about leo charging off into danger. it always feels wrong to just sit back and let him, but nate's not sure what else he can do. every once in a while he starts trying to prod and figure things out for himself, but he never gets very far before some instinct makes him back away again. fear of pissing leo off, maybe, or just nerves about what he'll find.]
[it feels a little like cheating on him the way he had in the loop where he'd figured things out - where he'd fallen in love with the nate there. he was different, but the same, and it was complicated enough to be headache inducing at times.
leo is glad that nate has a fresh start, an escape from the life he'd been pulled into against his will. but god if he doesn't still find himself grieving the shared history, the one person who could ever really understand him.
he shakes off his own distant look.]
Well, just try not to get too turned on in public when you see me being a total badass, okay?
No promises. [an immediate response, a hand moving to squeeze his hip, grinning at him. mostly he's trying to make leo laugh, or at least shake off the weird heaviness that's still hanging over things, not sure what else he can do about it except try to make past it.] But I'll try to keep my hands to myself until you put the gun down, at least.
[he hesitates, feels weirdly unsure of his answer for a moment before he shakes it off, shaking his head. he dreams about it surprisingly often, especially now that he's stopped blocking them out completely, but in real life--] Nah. Never had a reason to.
[he's a tiny bit surprised leo has, actually, but only a little, aware that some of what leo does requires that kind of thing, even if he doesn't know specifics.]
[he hasn't either in this lifetime, but the idea still feels comfortable enough. leo hums a quiet acknowledgement, flopping over perpendicular to nate, pillowing his head on his chest.]
You happy here?
[it's something he asks occasionally, can't help but to.]
[his arms wrap around leo, resettling so he can hold him close, a hand carding through his hair. he doesn't really need to think about it, answers quickly as he always does, voice calm and certain:] Yeah, baby. I really am.
[a beat, and then, a little quieter:] Are you? [he doesn't always ask, doesn't always feel like it's necessary, but right now he feels a little less sure.]
[it's just as easy, just as quick, even if leo is already a little faraway in his own thoughts.]
Just feels like - there's a countdown somewhere or something. [he knows exactly why he feels like that; it's still novel that they aren't on a timer. he tries to turn it into a joke.] Most young relationships are doomed, you know.
I still remember your face when you saw me in that school uniform. [but he's leaning into that hug, not pulling away, his voice amused.] I thought I was cooked.
[it's not really a joke. he doesn't know what he'd have done if leo had just given up on him, or actually moved on. regretted it for a long time, probably.]
Feels kind of hypocritical, though. Considering mine's probably never going to know about you.
[he probably wouldn't hide it if he ran into them, but he hasn't spoken to them in longer than he's known leo and doesn't really plan on changing that.]
Are you kidding? They're gonna get wedding invites on extra special paper just to make them think we're loaded. [he hesitates, then amends:] With the wrong date just so they can't actually crash.
[the first part just gets a shrug out of him. it's not like he isn't not committed to leo already. he's not planning on going anywhere no matter what; kind of seems inevitable that they'll get there eventually.]
Baby, I'm not rushing you. You know that, right? [his tone is gentle, brushing a hand through leo's hair.] You can tell them when you're ready. I don't care.
[leo feels guilty about doubting their relationship at times, but - nate had spent so long running away from memories of his past life. he worries that he'll just remind him of things he doesn't want to know; he worries, too, about maintaining his interest without the years of history in his mind.]
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[maybe it'll settle his fears a little if he sees for himself that leo can defend himself. he runs a hand down leo's back lightly, leaning up to kiss him again briefly.]
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[the range isn't the part that bothers him anyway, that sounds interesting, fun maybe. he's just never stopped worrying about leo charging off into danger. it always feels wrong to just sit back and let him, but nate's not sure what else he can do. every once in a while he starts trying to prod and figure things out for himself, but he never gets very far before some instinct makes him back away again. fear of pissing leo off, maybe, or just nerves about what he'll find.]
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leo is glad that nate has a fresh start, an escape from the life he'd been pulled into against his will. but god if he doesn't still find himself grieving the shared history, the one person who could ever really understand him.
he shakes off his own distant look.]
Well, just try not to get too turned on in public when you see me being a total badass, okay?
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[but he's cracking up slightly.]
You ever used one?
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[he's a tiny bit surprised leo has, actually, but only a little, aware that some of what leo does requires that kind of thing, even if he doesn't know specifics.]
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You happy here?
[it's something he asks occasionally, can't help but to.]
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[a beat, and then, a little quieter:] Are you? [he doesn't always ask, doesn't always feel like it's necessary, but right now he feels a little less sure.]
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[it's just as easy, just as quick, even if leo is already a little faraway in his own thoughts.]
Just feels like - there's a countdown somewhere or something. [he knows exactly why he feels like that; it's still novel that they aren't on a timer. he tries to turn it into a joke.] Most young relationships are doomed, you know.
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[it's a joke! it's... 90% a joke.]
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[it's not really a joke. he doesn't know what he'd have done if leo had just given up on him, or actually moved on. regretted it for a long time, probably.]
...But both can be true.
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[he's pretty sure he knew that immediately, even if he wanted to deny it for a while. he shrugs, hand running up and down leo's back absently.]
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[he idly tosses the grass he's plucked down toward their feet.]
I think it'd make me feel better.
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[he probably wouldn't hide it if he ran into them, but he hasn't spoken to them in longer than he's known leo and doesn't really plan on changing that.]
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[the last thing he actually wants is to subject leo to his family. but holding it over them -- he's willing to be that petty.]
Still feels different than actually coming out to them, though.
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[but the laugh makes him relax just slightly.]
I'm gonna graduate college almost a full year early. I'll tell them then.
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Baby, I'm not rushing you. You know that, right? [his tone is gentle, brushing a hand through leo's hair.] You can tell them when you're ready. I don't care.
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I don't like hiding you.
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[he leans up to press a kiss against leo's mouth, gently, trying to be reassuring.]
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